Sunday, October 4, 2009

My Savannah...

I have a beautiful fledgling writer who I love dearly. She was never a student of mine, but in the end, she became mine anyway. I have decided to publish her here on my Big Girl Blog. You will love her instantly. And, if you have any advice for this girl, struggling to find her way through those teenage years, please post. I will forward them on to her since she's actually not allowed to BE on my Big Girl Blog until she's 18. (Right, Savannah?) My words of wisdom are posted beneath.

SUNDAY, SEPTEMBER 27, 2009

Fourteen going on Forty.

Typical is not a word to use for me. I'm definately not your typical fourteen year old girl. Yes, I may look my age, but looks mean nothing.

I hate my age. I hate it. I hate it. Being fourteen is horrible! I'm still living in my parents' house. Living for, and to, their standards. Following their rules. Doing what they want me to do... Does it end? Can't I be in college? Or even beyond that, starting a career and trying to make myself sucessful? Can't I be my own person? Do the things I feel are right? No. No, of course not.

You can't speed up time.
You can't slow it down.
You have to go along with it until you die.

And who, may I ask, set that stupid rule up? No one other than God, of course. Now, don't get me wrong, I believe in Him, I praise in Him... But, I'd assume like most, I just don't understand Him. He put me here and gave me everything I have. Shouldn't that be enough? Not at all. Deep down it is, but I'm always left wanting more.

No matter what I do. I want to be forty years old! Not really, but at least in my twenties. Where I can make up my own rules. Where I can start my own life. Where I can be me, not what everyone else wants me to be. Yes, that sounds typical, but I mean that more serious than ever before. Most all of the other kids will tell you that they are ready to be adults, and that they wish they were older so they could do 'whatever they want...' But that's not what I am asking for at all.

I know I won't be able to 'whatever' I happen to feel like. I know I can't just go out and be somebody. I know, God do I know, I have to earn it. I don't expect things to be given to me. They have never really been. Yes, I'll admit, I am spoiled by my parents. They buy me things. They give me things. They give me love and food and shelter. But when it comes to 'things', I have to earn it.
"Mom, can I have $10 to do ________?"
"What are you going to do to get it?"
"..."
"That's what I thought."

I mean. I don't get handed everything! My parents are poor. We live in poverty. It seems everyone makes more money then my mom and stepdad combined! I don't wear Hollister or Abercombie. No way in hell, do I wear Ralph Lauren or Marc Jacobs. I wear Wal*Mart clothes. Hand-me-downs. Most all of my nice things come from my aunts, uncles, and grandparents. Like I said before though, looks mean nothing. But I'm just trying to make a point.

I want to go out in the world and work my way to the top. Show that a small town--- yes I live in Nampa, which is big for Idaho, but I'm talking the whole world here-- girl can make it big. How? I want to be nothing more than an English teacher, which, we all know don't make big money... But I can still make it big. I can effect the lives of the youth, our future. Hopefully, when I'm a teacher, students can walk out of my classroom different than what they came in. They can have a new perspective on life and be ready for what ever life brings in store from them.

Now, can one see my as different? Or do I still fit under that horrific stereo type as the typical teenager?

I could say more... But do I need to?

Oh I don't know. Maybe I am typical.

7 comments:

Michael Harrison said...

Savannah, I have to second Daisy. Relish today for TODAY. Another day of life, another day to find out something new. I appreciate the maturity of your blog but life is soooo sort, don't wish for it to speed up, it will - trust me... I'm 52. I wish my life would slow down. I am a teacher (High School) & a father of a 13 year old. Enjoy the ride of life, that's where the adventure is - in the journey. That's where your life's story is written. I look forward to hearing more of that story as you develop as a writer and a young lady. Keep positive, look toward the future, but relish today.. it only comes once. I don't need to say it because it is evident that God has already blessed you.
Michael H. from Las Vegas

Veronica M said...

Oh child, love this moment you are in! In the "blink of an eye" this life will be over... in the end what truly matters... the ONLY thing that matters, is your relationship with Christ! He made you; he knows your weaknesses, insecurities, talents, and thoughts. He loves you more than anyone else in this world ever will! He truly wants what is best for you; it may not seem like the best thing for you, to you, but it is. Trust Him while you are young; it becomes so much harder to do, when you are in your 20s and 30s (I have struggled with this myself). You are precious in His sight. Don't look for your answers outside of Him, it will always lead you down the wrong path. The best advise I can give you: Ask and it shall be given; seek and ye shall find; knock and it shall be opened. (Matt. 7:7). Before you try and figure it all out for yourself, seek Him. Truly spend time in prayer, worship, and in his word... maybe start with the gospels (Matt-John). Every time something jumps out at you journal it. Set aside time each day to seek God, and you will find the answers to your answers; you will find the peace that appears you are missing... it is within your grasp precious child... the choice is yours. Life doesn't get easier, but with Christ at the center you will have the peace to make it through as a conqueror.
Veronica Marshall

Veronica M said...

couple of corrections :) it should say... answers to questions; also, it is harder to trust him in your 20s and 30s when you haven't already been trusting him before that time in life. God bless you! I'm not trying to make small your situation, but I am trying to show you that God is the big picture!

Veronica (again)

Savannah Hill said...

Thank you all. Eck. I need to focus on now. I need to focus on today. Not tomorrow. Tomorrow never comes. Never. Ever. Ever.

...
Veronica, I've been thinking about that. I want to have a good relationship with God. I do. I just don't know where to start. I've never even read the Bible! :o I know, I know. I've read, maybe... two, three pages. I've been to church a handful of times. I still believe. I just don't know how to show it... I'm not really into the whole "church" thing. I guess I just don't fit there. They'll accept me, but I'm not sure it's me.... And I'm not quite sure how to go around to it myself. You know?

Veronica M said...

Savannah, I must be honest with you. Loving God and serving Him is not about all the "churchy" stuff... don't get me wrong, it is important, but what truly matters is your desire to find Him, to serve Him. He promises that He will guide and direct our paths if only we will trust in Him. I would love to talk with you sometime. If you are interested and your family won't mind, have the lovely Daisy give you my number or email address. Much love and understanding, Veronica

joaquin carvel said...

happy i stumbled in here. this post makes me happy. i don't think you are typical - and though it's often harder than being typical, it is infinitely more rewarding.

and i don't think you need a whole lot of advice - i can offer you this - http://lyricsandmaladies.blogspot.com/2009/02/letter-to-rae.html
- other than that, just make sure you're the captain of your own ship and you'll be fine.

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