Monday, June 22, 2009

My Darling Karen,

My darling Karen,

I so appreciate your words, and I'm sorry I kept you up with mine! :) You ARE and always HAVE BEEN a woman who loves all and loves well, and you are my good friend. You have proven that time and again. And there's no BUT in there. You walk out your faith with integrity and authenticity and compassion, and I am thankful that you have always had my back whenever I've chosen to make my opinion known--whether you agreed with it fully, partially, or not at all.

The effort to "protect" marriage on the part of heterosexuals would not be so laughable if the divorce rate were a little lower, perhaps. No one, including myself here, has done a stellar job of protecting the sanctity of marriage. Not that giving gay people a legal crack at it would improve the divorce rates any--I'm just pointing out the blaring inconsistency of people who want to "protect" it while they are concurrently trashing it. We truly ALL fall short...

So, your question, in our quest to right this wrong, do we compromise? Here is how I've resolved this whole thing in my mind, having been raised and taught the very same things you are bringing to light in this dialogue: What is the most compassionate thing I can do in this situation? I think there are two things, actually. #1 I can speak out against the haters (which I've done and will continue to do) and #2 I can acknowledge the inequality of this situation. I really do see this as a civil rights issue. These are tax-paying Americans, yet they are not allowed the same privileges as straight people. We can try to throw that moral wrench into that by saying that homosexuality is not right. But there is another moral wrench here in that not everyone is being treated fairly and, like you said as well, many are even being harassed, bullied, and threatened. The people who do not wish to see gay people marry haven't really acknowledged the inequality. I mean, at LEAST say, "OK, then gay people should get a HUGE tax credit since they don't enjoy all the rights and privileges that straight people do..." which is ridiculous--namely because tomorrow, there would be so many gay people in this country, we couldn't count them all! I would consider switching teams myself! Why lie? Anyway, if the peeps who want to keep marriage between a man and a woman would at least ACKNOWLEDGE this and bend just a teensy-weensy bit, then maybe folks wouldn't be SO polarized. But, since there is NO ROOM for compromise, then I can't stand with those folks. Hatred is a moral issue--one that I believe poses a much bigger threat to our country than homosexuality. I mean, if I were raising young kids today, I would shelter them from the haters before I would ever shelter them from gay people, for crying out loud! I would NEVER let my child near someone so enraged that they would make a hate sign and go protest downtown, screaming "TURN OR BURN!" to folks just trying to be happy like everybody else. THOSE people are nuts! They scare me!

I also believe that marriage would alter the gay culture--whether that's in a big way or a small way, I don't know--but it would still promote monogamy. Monogamy brings many benefits in terms of health and stability. Having been exposed to the gay lifestyle by the friends you mentioned, I think this is a good thing--just speaking pragmatically.

So, let's talk spiritually because that is really at the crux of this conversation. One might ask, how can we vote to legalize gay marriage and dismiss what the Bible says about homosexuality?

I'm not dismissing anything the Bible says. I struggle with that book. It's amazing, and I love it, and I cherish its words in my heart. I ponder it. I grapple with it. It gives me hope. I pisses me off in spots. I don't get it. I SO get it! It truly is the only book I've ever read that is ALIVE WITH ME, if that makes sense. But there are so many other questions...

What does the Bible say about the law? It says the law doesn't save us. The law CAN'T save us. Regardless of WHAT the law is, the only One that has the power to truly save us from ourselves is Christ.

What does the Bible say about sin? It says it separated me from God, but that Christ came and bridged that gap. This is nothing any of us could ever legislate.

What does the Bible say about love? It says if I say I love God and hate my brother, that I am a liar and God is not in me.

My brother wants to marry his boyfriend. Should I let him? Or should I prevent him? But if I try to prevent him, I build a wall of hurt and distrust and regret between us, and every brick in that wall belongs to me. Said wall prevents me from being able to put my arms around him and LOVE HIM, which is my command and my responsibility. Why would I erect such a thing that blocks my love and stands between me and my brother when the law is neither HERE NOR THERE in regard to his own redemption or his relationship with God?

Can't do it. I can't build that wall. And Jesus gets me. He gets it. If I'm wrong, it is just one more thing He will work out in me. I do keep Him quite busy...

I know you get me too, my friend. :)

Love you,
Daisy Rain


Blue Tapp Scheffer said...

Wow this is great stuff, Daisy. I'm sending this to a bunch of people to read (including my pastor who will totally dig it). Thanks for taking the time to put all this into words. ~ Blue

Anonymous said...

Hello My Daisy Rain,

As usual you are on the money! I believe that you are one of the truest, purest,realist, Christians I have ever known. I am so inspired by you! I know with Christ, we are suppose to walk our own path, sometimes I just want to follow yours. You are spectacular!


Tanya in Colorado said...

Wow Daisy, I agree that you are one of the truest Christians. I am divorced myself, so I have tried to stay out of this discussion feeling that if I couldn't get it right...what gives me the right to comment on any relationship. I am inspired by any couple who can make a marriage work and provide a loving, nurturing, consistent home for their children. I try my best to live my life based on the Christain/Mormon/Catholic values I have been brought up with, which means I primarily think of marriage in the "biblical" sense between a man and woman. HOWEVER, I have seen so much unacceptable behavior and hypocrisy between hetrosexual couples. A few years ago, a well-known Christain leader from Colorado Springs who often spoke out against the "gay lifestyle" (who was married to a woman and who had children) was actually having sex with a man in a seedy hotel and doing crystal meth on the side...for years...hmm. I do not mean to insult anyone by mentioning this..certainly every religion has had their issues...which is why I cannot base my beliefs entirely on a religious agenda. My lifetime experiences have taught me that deep is the love of Christ and his love includes acceptance, compassion, kindness, and tolerance for all of our Father's children. Isn't intolerance and oppression immoral? Has religion become too much of a financial enterprise for some? There is such a range of interpretations for the bible...religion is used so often as an excuse to persecute others. I adore the gay community, because throughout my hard life so many have taken me under their wing with complete and total acceptance.I have seen beauty, tolerance (a bit of cattiness) and complete humanity in the gay community. Perhaps, humanity would be making important progress toward evolving as an intelligent society if there is support for policies that allow families to be together regardless of sexual orientation.

Anonymous said...

Well Daisy, of course your right about how messed up marriage has become. Our whole world is in a morally messed up manner. We (those of us professing Christ) are at cross roads. Do we accept absolute truth or buck "His" system. You could absolutely convince me to support gay marriage. There is truth, and genuinely nice emotion in your statement. For that matter, given the right wording and emotion any of us could be convinced of almost anything and really think we were doing the right thing believing all those lovely words and emotions. After all, how many young girls have done way more than they ever really intended to do with that big hunk of a man... he just spoke so sweetly! So, in a nutshell: those idiots that hold up the "turn or burn" signs need to be strung up my their toes. Second.. I can not control the way a person emotionally responds/interprets my words. Many loving words have been miss-interpreted because of what is in the receivers heart. Thirdly, we have to decide if we will stand, up against the flow, for absolute truth. It really comes down to absolute truth (bible truth). And in all things we must walk in love. I have had this conversation with you before and I always love you and in the words of my little Erin "You're the best". Love, Karen

Daisy Rain Martin said...

Honey, don't change a thing--especially in how you emanate Christ in every breath, every word, and every embrace you give--always so freely. :) This is just my way of walking out the love of God the best way I know how. I'm not trying to change anybody's minds, really, except for the knuckleheads who need to be strung up by their toes! HA!

You are sharing wisdom. You, too, make me think. I love that. Keep loving, keep talking (you're great at it!) and keep WRITING! You have much to say, and you say it well.

It is so refreshing to have an intelligent conversation with someone like you, who will love first, seek to understand, and then to be understood.

Love you!

thefamousnic said...


Equality in the eyes of God: There. Equality in the eyes of government: on our way. Equality in the eyes of society: progress needed.

Anonymous said...

Many prop 8 opponents have brought to light many good questions some of us on the other side had better start thinking good and hard about. My stance is this: 1) While I can be compassionate, I cannot go to the polls and vote contrary to my conscience. No one in America has ever been asked to do that. If I truly believe that gays should not marry, and I have good reasons (even if they come from the Bible and not everyone believes in the Bible), it would be wrong for me to darken the door of my polling station and submit a vote contrary to my beliefs. If America is going to ask me if it's OK with me, I have to say no. If I'm outnumbered, then I will graciously accept that. But how can I vote other than what I believe is right? 2) I cannot be convinced that legalizing gay marriage is a step toward strengthening our weakened economy, ending the war on terrorism, establishing programs that will benefit the less fortunate, or any other thing that is at the forefront of the American psyche! Those of us who would support a measure like proposition 8 actually do have good reasons for taking the stance we have.
I wish I could leave my name here, but because my husband's job is to protect Americans' right to free speech, I could cause him great harm if I practice that right myself.

Daisy Rain Martin said...

Thank you so much, Anonymous, for your post. It was both intelligent and gracious. I am in full agreement that no one should ever go into that booth and vote against her conscience. It is essentially the same argument I use to cast my vote that is actually different from yours. The tone you maintained in your post was most kind, and I am encouraged that there ARE people who have opposing opinions, yet who can easily remain dignified and respectful in expressing their views. Thank you so much for that.

I am confused as to how affording gay Americans the right to marry would have an adverse (or beneficial, for that matter) effect on our nation's economy, would impact our war on terror, or would contribute to or hinder programs for the less fortunate. Perhaps you could expound on your thoughts there? I would be interested in discovering the correlation that you see between these issues. I would like to ponder that.

Lastly, I am saddened that you do NOT have the freedom--in this country that claims to give us so much of that--to speak freely and forego anonymity. I am sad, sad, sad. I wonder if I know you? Or have you stumbled upon this blog like so many others from the Internet or through a friend? I would like to know you. You may certainly email me privately, and I will respect your right to protect your family.

I think I am most sad that the citizens of this country do not provide a sanctuary for one another. It is the most unpatriotic circumstance I can think of.

My email is

Thank you for your thoughts.

Best regards,
Daisy Rain Martin

Anonymous said...

I'll stay anonymous. At least for the time being. I need to point out something important. It's so important, I don't want you to miss it. Please don't be sad. There is a vast difference between having one's rights taken away and gladly giving them up! I certainly have the freedom to speak my mind out loud! It may not seem like a good thing to willingly lay down any right, but we do it all the time! Even you have, I'm sure. But typically it's reserved to serve a greater good. I willingly suspend my right to free speech on hotly debated politcal issues. If others feel compelled to share something I've said--I won't take away their "right" to pass it along :)
Regarding the correlation between legalizing gay marriage and other social issues that are plaguing the waking hours of Americans and robbing sleep from them as well--there IS no correlation. That's the point. No legislation ever got put into practice without dollars, man hours, and sacrifice. Even the most seemingly sensible laws with little objection from the public never made it on the books without a price. Prop 8 opponents have asked what non Biblical reason I can give for supporting it. My non Biblical reasons are few and far between. They boil down to this question--how does our nation become stronger, more stable, more economically balanced, more secure, and better protected by legalizing gay marriage?
I suppose the only way to find out is to try it, right? But you and I both agree, there is no correlation. My one vote won't be enough to amend the constitution but I still have to cast it because even though I love gays, I don't believe extending marriage rites [sic] excludes them or includes them in my or God's love for them. It is simply a rite and nothing more. If my marriage right/rite were taken away, I would still have other rights; most importantly, freedom of religion and, of course, free speech!