Wednesday, March 25, 2009

Dating Debacles!

You know, I was just thinking about this yesterday. I feel sorry for you "kids" with your whole "progressive" dating scene. I know you're not kids, but... Anyway, it seems like the dating culture now is full of people whose mantra is, "Oh, I'm not looking for a commitment?" WTF is up with all these commitment-phobes? I need to call some bullshit on that! Now, I can see males saying that and MEANING it! I can. And now they've got all the females saying it too! I'm here to let you know, if a girl EVER says that she is not looking for a relationship, SHE IS FULL OF SHIT! Colossally! Take that to the bank. Let me tell you something, my friend! Girls are not MADE that way! They are innately relational. Women need intimacy. We need meaningful connections, and don't believe any girl that tells you otherwise. You know why she's saying that? Because she is SADLY trying to change who she is to appear more appealing to a man who is not looking for a commitment, but just wants to wiggle his wiener in as many hoo hoos as he can. Girls are LINING UP to let boys wiggle their wieners in their hoo hoos, with the FALSE HOPE that SHE will be THE ONE who convinces him that intimacy WITH HER and a meaningful connection WITH HER will REALLY be what he wants! He just didn't KNOW IT until he met HER! I've never witnessed this amount of El Toro CaCa in my LIFE, and I can't figure out who I want to slap FIRST? The boys or the girls? It's a tough one!

If I were single right now, sitting across from some guy who has taken me out to dinner, I honestly can't imagine that I would sit there blowing smoke up his arse, postulating like I'm "not looking for a commitment..." I just think that people who are EVOLVED to any degree of maturity have come to the realization that the sun does not rise and set on THEM ALONE. The hedonistic pursuit of self-gratification and self-indulgence, nor the accumulation of things, stuff, possessions, etc. are really the way to leave one's mark on this earth. Being significant on this earth, strangely, is never accomplished alone, but REALLY through the collaborative efforts of people who LOVE EACH OTHER! And the most intimate bonds are those between lovers and those between a parent and child. Hmmm? Sounds like a family to ME! So why are people claiming NOT to want that? Why do people say, "Oh, I'm not the marrying type?" Bullshit. Everybody's the marrying type if they find the right person. And if said guy across the table from me claims that he's not looking for a relationship, GREAT! I couldn't be happier! I'll assume he's not "evolved" to any degree of maturity that I REQUIRE, and REGARDLESS of how "cute" he is (that one always aggravates me) or how much money he makes or what car he drives, his wiener is coming nowhere NEAR my hoo hoo, he is off my radar before he ever got ON, thanks for the steak. Why can't women do that? I'll tell you why. They're insecure. They don't know their value or their beauty or their significance on this earth. They don't know who they are. They believe they need a man to tell them who they are because, due to the absolute onslaught of lascivious grime the media feeds girls in this country, girls believe they must be defined by men. And people are going straight to hell over it, believe me! These girls need to wake up, put one hand on their hip, snap in "Z" formation, and LEARN HOW TO SAY THE F-WORD!

In a somewhat related arena, Sean-Martin and I have discussed in the past, which gender is most responsible for the world being what it is today, and we come at it from two different perspectives. He, being a man, claims that men are to blame for the ills of this world, and if men would just do "such and such", the world would be a much better place to live. I, being a woman, claim that women are to blame for the ills of this world, and if WOMEN would just do "such and such"... you get it.

Here's the "such and such". We both agree that the bottom line problem in this world are insecure people who, as I stated previously, don't know that they have such VALUE and BEAUTY and SIGNIFICANCE on this planet. Sean-Martin says that if every man simply cherished his FAMILY, protected them and provided for them, then collectively, men could rid the world of so many of its ills. Think about it. The best thing a man could do for his children is to love their mother, command respect for her by his example, provide an intact and stable home, teach his sons how to be men and do the same with their own families, cherish his daughters and teach them how to command respect for themselves, and let nature then takes its due course. Sean-Martin argues that men could change this world within one generation.

I don't disagree. I concur with Sean-Martin 100%. I just think women could fix the world, not in one generation, but in one WEEK if every woman would only live by this ONE RULE: "In light of the fact that I am VALUABLE, BEAUTIFUL, AND SIGNIFICANT, I will not ever allow ANY man to wiggle his wiener around in my hoo hoo unless he is ABSOLUTELY WORTHY!" Period! No exceptions. No excuses. Not negotiable. I am here to tell you, my friend, men would straighten up within DAYS, and the world would be fixed by TUESDAY!

What do you think?

Saturday, March 14, 2009

Lucy vs. Ricky

Here’s a cute article about a woman who tried parenting tricks on her husband, with some margin of success, in order to bring him into a closer alignment with what she thought would make for a happier home. Her strategies included rewarding good behavior, keeping “honey-do’s” short and to the point, using “Time Out”, giving quality time to him to get quality time to herself, and finally, implementing creative discipline!

I’m not sure I’ve ever read anything so emasculating in my life. Where does this woman keep this guy’s testicles? In her purse? Her make-up drawer? Where?

I admit, I chuckled a few times reading this article, and I’m sure she didn’t mean any harm, much in the same way that Lucy never meant any harm for her beloved Ricky. An article like this, though, does bring up certain “Battle of the Sexes” questions, doesn’t it?

I would imagine that there are many reasons that a woman might resort to using these techniques to get her man to do what she wants him to do. Perhaps she feels the need to “mother” her husband? Perhaps she is frustrated? Perhaps she has “lost her voice” in the relationship? That last one is the saddest-case scenario, I think.

In my own relationship with Sean-Martin, I can tell you that I haven’t (by a long shot!) lost my voice, although it’s not always easy to confront an issue. I’ve learned a few things. Timing is everything. (Probably the best time to voice a concern is NOT during a sporting event.) A little sugar goes a LONG WAY--and if that doesn't work, try LEMON BARS! (And a little nookie in the morning is a big WIN-WIN for everybody!) Respect his cave. Use your words—not your tears. (Save THOSE for the really BIG STUFF!) And, at the end of the day—even if your crap is not resolved and you’re at a loss as to what to do next—just remember that you guys have about 60 years to figure it out.

So, women! What are the best tricks of your trade and your reasons for using them? And, men! What are YOUR tricks? And why are they necessary for your survival?

Friday, March 6, 2009

Waiting for What? By my friend, Cody!

May I introduce my friend, Cody Stauffer? I'm completely addicted to his blog--I post often--and I have just GOT to share him with my inner circle. He's occasionally brilliant, and I like those kind of people, so ya'll need to check out his stuff. Click on his blog--you'll see it on the right there in the blogs I follow.

I've got two posts this morning: Cody's first and then my response below. I know some of you have something to say about this. Post away! Love you guys!

Here's Cody:

Waiting for what?

Often times, when people come to a new church, there is a waiting period before they are allowed to get involved with serving or doing some form of ministry. First of all, I have issue with the whole "membership" system, but that's another topic we can talk about at some other time. What really bothers me is that we basically tell people you have to jump through all of these hoops (membership class, intro. to our church class, basics of Christianity class, what SHAPE you are class, etc., etc.).

But here is the funny thing- we are already equipped to help others and to join God in the work of restoration. It's what we were made for. In fact, in the Book of Matthew, Jesus sends out his disciples after a very short period to go and minister (Mat. 10).

So why do we think that we have to line everyone up and make sure they talk and act like we do before they can go and help others? When Jesus sends his followers out, he tells them not to worry about what they will say and do, because the spirit will work through them.

Of course people are going to make mistakes- but they are probably going to make the same mistakes people who have been going to church and who have sat through all of those trainings and programs will make. But see, we always use an entirely different system than Jesus used for his followers. Jesus used the discipleship model. We tend to use the "come-and-sit-in-a-chair-while-I-talk-to-you-as-you-fall-asleep-oh-and-lets-only-interact-once-or-twice-a-week-at-a-specific-place-and-specific-time" approach. (I believe that is its official name).

Now, there is nothing wrong with having conversations and talking about issues that might come up. But what tends to happen in our normal way of doing things is that someone comes to a class and goes through the process designated by the church to make "disciples"- but really all that is being made are people who are great at sitting and taking notes. Congratulations, if what you are looking for are stenographers.

But a disciple went with Jesus, walked where he walked. These guys were teenagers, folks, and Jesus says to them, "Alright, two of you go together and go take care of business. Yeah, I know you feel like you're not ready yet. That's why I'm sending you. Here are a few instructions. See you when you get back- we'll discuss what happened."

How would things be different if we took this approach? Assumed that God knows what God is doing when God calls people to be ministers (which is everyone)? Believed that God has equipped people to serve one another?

What are your thoughts?

My Response

Hey Cody,

Sean-Martin and I remember going to a church which seemed the quintessential example of this. (We lasted a while but ultimately had to bail.) When I look back, the thing that is most disconcerting to me is the way that pastor who, for all intents and purposes WAS the church, was actually the only one allowed to DEFINE what ministry even was, how it should be implemented, who should implement it, yada, yada, yada...

The man was in love with his programs, and he was the one who decided whether or not they were working. I've never been to a place that browbeat a congregation like that into working so many programs. This guy just wore people OUT, starting with his wife. His wife was and still IS a big supporter, because that's what Godly women do, I guess. Anyone who questioned him was deemed UNgodly--aka ME. He told me that I hadn't been "discipled" as far as he could see and that I needed to attend one of his discipleship classes.

You remember Bible college, Cody? Remember Old Testament Survey? Did you NOT get choked up when you stood at that burning bush and realized that "I AM" STILL IS? I don't know about you, but I'm pretty sure if my professor had given an altar call, I'd have gone forward! FOR SURE! Bible college rocked. It was truly the place of my birth.

There are a million little pieces of lives weaved together, equipped and commissioned to be Christ on this earth and to further God's kingdom right here--right now. What a slap in the face of the Holy Spirit who has--with the power of a mighty, rushing wind--led, comforted, taught, admonished, healed, prepared, AND DISCIPLED all of us who are willing to be about our Father's business. I would like to say, "So what if some pastor isn't secure enough within himself to 'Let go and let God...'" But people get sucked into this. People get burned out (and subsequently BLAMED) from implementing all these programs and meetings and Sunday school and bringing the donuts and setting up the chairs and folding the bulletins. Does anybody really get saved over a Boston creme and a cup of Maxwell House? Really?

C'mon, people! Put your arms around somebody! Make someone a lasagna! Babysit for free! Pop somebody five bucks! Feed, clothe, visit. Ministry is JUST not that complicated! It doesn't necessarily have to occur underneath that steeple. Our silly, little efforts to make it harder than it really is is only a ploy to elevate ourselves in this crazy hierarchy of importance in a social network of knuckleheads! Put the donuts down, folks! Step away from the bulletins! Just remember what Christ has done for you, and go do it for other people. It doesn't have to be during the ten o'clock hour on Sunday morning. In fact, just to be different, make sure it's on a Thursday at, like, five! Get crazy! Be creative! Act like one of those teenagers Jesus chose!

Cody, I'm posting your blog post on my blog and my response. I'd like to get MY social network of knuckleheads in on this discussion too! :)

Love you, brother. Congratulations on getting all those funds raised for your trip! Can't WAIT for all the great writing that is going to come out of THAT!

Take care of yourself--and somebody else!
Daisy Rain

Sunday, March 1, 2009

All's Well

A colossal come-apart could occur in my very near future.

Should occur,

Might still occur.

Freaks and fiends whose leashes broke long before they ever met me

Knocking on my door, demanding my defense.

I’d cry the day away if I were smart.

Throw a fit,

Froth at the mouth,

Though dutiful expectations unfortunately prevent.

“No chink in MY armor!” I lie!

Susie Sunshine has NOT left the building!

The good ship Lollypop is still afloat, folks!

All aboard!

Don’t concern yourselves!

All’s well!

After all, if it seems that IF my seams

Stretch threateningly

And my life starts spilling out,

I simply look down the hall at another woman

Stooped low,

Picking up the pieces of a life already seeped out.

Can she gather again all the pieces of her personage,

Precious to her,

Laid waste on the pavement?

Ah, perspective.

And so, I’m thankful.

But still pissed, let’s be honest.

And still smiling.

Or is that seething?