Thursday, October 23, 2008

Empty Nesting...

Empty Nesting…
I have made absolutely no bones about the fact that I am in the market for a good therapist for next August when my baby leaves for college; not to mention the fact that a good anti-depressant is CERTAINLY not beneath me.
Having said that, let me say that our trip up to Moscow to preview the University of Idaho was wonderfully encouraging. First of all, you may or may not be aware that Sean-Martin is a Vandal alum. (That would be the University of Idaho Vandals.) He had such a great time showing Geoff snapshots of his past. Geoff had a great time contemplating the possibilities of his future.
Mommy was just trying not to leak spontaneously out of her eyeballs.
The day began with a tour of the campus. Beautiful. The Vandal Preview was strategically planned for an extraordinary fall day, before the onset of ice and snow. The financial aid meeting was most reassuring. FAFSA is our new best friend. If your children are still tiny, you may not have been formally introduced to the huge stack of paperwork awaiting you and your tax return, which determines how much free money you are entitled to. We will be finding out in a few short months what the price tag will be, so we’re doing our best now to confess ALL our sins. Neither one of us has said the f-word since we got home and are in church every single time the doors open up. It can’t hurt, right?
Since Geoff is such an amazing artist, he gave serious consideration to the College of Art and Architecture. We tracked down a very generous Dr. Brian Clevely, who spent at least thirty minutes talking to the three of us about the department he heads up: Virtual Technology and Design. Geoff wants to be a virtual architect. The program was amazingly impressive and reminded us of Randy Pausch and the phenomenal work he was able to do with his virtual reality students. (YOU MUST YOUTUBE HIM! RANDY PAUSCH—THE LAST LECTURE!) Geoff didn’t stop smiling from that moment on. It was so reassuring to see our son in this element. His element.
He is so ready for this.
The university must have hidden all the students who may have been struggling or unhappy in any way because every single, solitary student we came across, whether he or she were on campus or enjoying a beverage and snack on one of the sidewalk cafes in downtown Moscow, was thrilled and delighted to be attending the U of I. We came across a delightful little group of students, rolling their own cigarettes, who recognized our potential Vandal right away. The cutie-patootie named Robin, whose dreadlocks were just starting to take off, struck up a conversation.
“So, are you thinking about coming to U of I?”
“I am,” Geoff answered.
“Are you cool?”
“I’m pretty cool.”
They laughed approvingly and lifted their glasses in welcome. It was another reassuring snapshot.
A year from this moment, Geoff will likely be venturing out on his own path. Sean-Martin will be mowing the lawn and picking up Sofie’s poop without his #1 guy, and I will be in counseling.
Perhaps. Perhaps not.
A colossal part of my heart is absolutely thrilled for Geoff to have this chance—this chance that he has earned—to be in a place where he can learn and grow and become everything he was meant to be. We are so proud of him. What a gloriously delightful, intelligent, comical, artistic, talented, and kind gentleman he has already become. He deserves this. I am more than willing to push him from this nest—even though it might seem empty when he’s gone.
And, let’s face it. It’s not like it sucks to be me. I don’t know what women do who, #1 Do not like their husbands anymore and #2 Who do not know who they are apart from their mothering. I’m not saying it isn’t heart wrenching to have poured my heart out into the life of my son, only to leave him standing in his dorm room with his mini-refrigerator and X-Box 360 (he has more games than jeans, for God’s sake), knowing that he isn’t ever going to live with us again while concurrently and equally mortified if he were to ever try. I’m grateful, though, in the midst of my conflictedness, for my husband’s humor and his ever-present calming effect. My life is very full—apart from my mothering. I’m grateful, too, that Geoff is ready to fly.
After all, this is just one step closer to grandbabies, right?


Dad said...

Who said he will never live with you again. We have had a couple of return visits, which we loved. I know how you feel as both of ours left home pretty early in their life. They have more than filled our hearts with joy with all the grandkids. There are other options for you....adoption? Lots of little kids need to be rescued and it is a great joy to do it. We pray the est for Geoffery as his life pretty much started with us at our house. Another joy. You have to look on the upside. He will get a good education and hopefully at little cost and be someone with much to offer the world. Hey, i am thinking that at that school he could come home being a republican. Now what could be better than that to make his old randpa proud. Could not miss that opportunity.
I love you

the 2nd mom said...

My goodness Ms. Daisy… as if my heart did not already ache for my beloved Geoffrey enough that he is 520 miles north of us. Now, I must face the reality that my little booger butt is all grown up and the days of Eddie and him running around in their batman pajamas are truly gone. You must remember that once this man flies the coop, that he not only leaves your nest empty but all of ours. Geoffrey is an amazing man, who has been blessed with so many of us that love him – unconditionally and that no matter where he lays his head at night it is whose hearts that he has and will fill that matter. I will cherish my past memories and look forward to the new ones Geoffrey will give me. An incredible woman, my mother, once shared this quote with me,

“Children and mothers never truly part – bound in the beating of each other’s heart (quote by Charlotte Gray)

With all my love and respect 

chelsi said...

I hope Geoff understands that he is very blessed to have a mommy like you. With your strength that boy can handle anything. I'm excited for him, and an empty nest might be just what you need. ;)

Daisy Rain Dancing Fan said...

My goodness. I am blinking my eyes so much from the tears that have formed..... Wow. Just know that I think you are the best mother I have ever known. it goes with out saying that you and Sean Martin have done an outstanding job molding and guiding Geoffrey. I am counting on you when my time comes to experince the empty nest......
Much love to you girl,

thefamousnic said...

I'll pack my overnight bag once a week and fill your nest. And I'll leave my ice cream bowls in the living room. I'll leave my bathroom a mess. I'll not make dinner unless you ask. I'll try my best to be your oldest son.