Friday, August 24, 2007

Confessions...

I haven’t posted on my blog for a while, and my tiny (yet vocal) fan base has made it frighteningly clear that if I do not post soon, they will no longer send me birthday cards, give me free therapy sessions, or keep any of my really embarrassing secrets. That said, I’ve decided to let everyone with Internet access in on my neurotically spiraling, convoluted and conflicting thoughts on this crazy journey I’m on (being the apparent exhibitionist that I am) and I just gotta wonder if anybody ever gets tired of this.
It’s not like I’m one of those people who tries to put her best foot forward. I don’t. Lots of people, NORMAL people, keep their struggles to themselves until they are way past the situation. After they’ve processed the event, learned from it, grown from it, they feel better about sharing their experiences with those close to them. Of course, they can then leave out all the really crappy, humiliating parts. Sometimes I think I should be more like that. But doesn’t iron sharpen iron? What if those people isolate themselves to the point that they can’t solicit anyone else’s help or perspectives or opinions—to be received or rejected—and subsequently can’t find a resolution for all that haunts them? What if, in their own self-absorbed pride-filled aloneness, they get stuck in the hell of their own insecurity and become one of the “mass of men who lead lives of quiet desperation?” Thoreau said those people go to the GRAVE with the song still in them. Well, not this girl. I’ll take my desperation loud and obvious and public, thank you very much. I don’t want my song stuck inside me.
So here’s what’s going on. Most of you know that I walked away from education. Most of you know that I took the last year off. Most of you know that I eventually had to return to work, but broke out in hives every time I thought about getting back into a labor camp. I mean, a school. With hostile parents. And bullshit policies. And really, really, really bad money. I’m way too spoiled to have to go through my career feeling like a second-class citizen. So when my first offer came to put my application in for an 8th grade English position, I turned it down flat.
“But, Daisy, you’re so good for kids.”
Yeah. Ain’t that the kicker?
And when my second offer came soon after to put my application in for a 4th grade position, I turned that one down flat too. Right after I stopped laughing.
“But, Daisy, we really need somebody with experience.”
Sucks, don’t it? Told ya. Na, na, na, na NAAAAA, na!
I know. That’s immature. One of those “crappy” and “humiliating” parts that I’m not privileged enough to leave out because I keep everyone duly informed in real time due to my exhibitionist tendencies and because I don’t want to have a freakin’ SONG stuck in me till I go to the grave!
And then one day very recently, as I was in the produce section of Wal-mart picking out bananas, my friend Cindy, who I’d been talking to on my cell phone, pops out with, “So, do you wanna teach music part time at the charter school?”
“No…” Two second of silence and then, “…how much?”
I shit you not, I put the phone down and looked over my shoulder. WHO IN THE HELL SAID THAT?
When I put the phone to my ear again she said, “Really?”
“No… OK… Ummm… No.”
And like a good friend, Cindy—one of the irons who sharpens me—promised to find out the details.
Long story short, she found out that they wanted to pay me a surprising amount of money to work three hours a day to teach music. This appealed to me because you know I have a song inside me. I was offered a part-time contract with benefits. It is only a one-year commitment because their “real” music teacher is standing in as the interim principal. After that, I’m free to go. Works for me!
SO! Of course, the school wanted proof that I could really teach, of all things, so I went to my files, pulled out my 3-year temporary Idaho license with the provisions that I’d left on it because I had my panties in a wad over the ridiculousness of THAT, blew the dust off of it, and realized that Idaho had NOT given me three years. They’d given me two. My license was going to expire this September 1st. I about had a stroke, because by this time, I was kind of really intrigued about this particular teaching position. I called the Ed Shed (my affectionate term for the State Department of Education) who informed me that if I had caught the error two years ago, then they’d have been able to rectify the situation. Now, I was just SOL. Typical. Predictable. Reminiscent of all that irritates me about the whole FUBAR mess in the first place. HOWEVER, Ed Shed Dude said, the provisions that were on my license were no longer required by the state of Idaho due to a decision by the state made just THREE WEEKS PREVIOUSLY! Three weeks, folks. I was advised to fill out an application for a free and clear license, send in my $75 and a letter explaining my situation, and they’d let me know.
And, oh yeah. School was starting in like, twelve days.
I told Jesus, “Jesus, if I don’t get this license, I swear to… well, YOU, that I’m gonna bag all this and just go to beauty school!” My 5-year, free and clear, Idaho teaching license was in my hot little hand by week’s end. (God apparently does not want me giving anybody a permanent.)
Nothing, I tell you NOTHING, is that easy EVER in education. Ever.
I’ve spent the last two weeks teaching music, fully licensed and legal, at Thomas Jefferson Charter School in Caldwell, Idaho with about 280 happy little kids, kindergarten through 8th grade. They love me, and I love them, and so far everybody’s having a lot of fun.
Hmmmmm. Now. What to do? What to do? More importantly, what am I SUPPOSED to do?
Did God just sit back, fold His arms, and watch me throw a year-long tantrum? And in the eleventh hour, did He plop this opportunity in my lap, knowing my propensity to jump? And did He miraculously make the requirements to renew my license just disappear into mid air? He knew two years ago that this September my teaching license would pretty much be good for nothing but toilet paper. Did He orchestrate that, too, so that I would be forced then to pursue a permanent license? And for what? So that I could… teach? Or am I just crazy?
Dear God, please let me be crazy. Please let me be crazy!
(Furthermore, the requirements that I had on my license were the same ones Sean-Martin had on his, so he’ll probably get a 5-year, free and clear teaching license as well. He’s an amazing teacher, by the way.)
The Bible verse that my Donna gave me was SUPPOSED to mean that teaching was behind me! You know, “Do not call to mind the former things or ponder things of the past. [Like teaching.] Behold I will do something new. [Like not teaching.] Now it will spring forth. Will you not be aware of it? I will make a roadway in the wilderness, rivers in the desert.” I was ready for a brand new career in whatever roadway, whatever river God had. I’m not that picky. Anything is fine. I just don’t want white people coming in screaming at me, if that’s OK. And some money would be nice. Maybe some respect. I was kind of excited about it, to tell you the truth. And the part of that verse that was most baffling to me, frankly, was the “Will you not be aware of it?” part. Surely I would be aware of it. The opportunity door that opened up would be the one I would walk through. What’s the big deal? Not rocket science, right?
Right?
So then, THIS opportunity door opened up, and…
OK, Dear GOD! I am begging You! PLEASE LET ME BE CRAZY! I can’t go back to a place where people are not arrested for coming in screaming and threatening my life. I can’t work in a place where the principal comes in and tells me to lock my door because there’s some raving lunatic crackhead downstairs who wants to hurt me! And I surely can’t work in a place where that same principal says a half-hour later, “It’s OK now. He’s fine.” He’s fine? HE’S FINE? DO I GIVE A SHIT IF HE’S FINE? I hope he breaks out with a hellacious rash on his dick that’s so excruciating he finally just chops the whole damn thing OFF! With a sledge-hammer and a chisel! That’s how fine I hope he is! AM I FINE? Did anybody ask me if I was fine? I guess I just wasn’t that important.
I’m so used to being cherished and adored that I really can’t tolerate anything less. It’s just not my nature. Teaching CAN’T be for me.
I’m not opposed to teaching, my friends. Aside from motherhood, teaching is the single-most important thing I’ve ever done with my life. Teachers are awesome. They’re smart. They’re cool. They’re funny—they have to be. They’re survivors. They’ve got stamina. They’ve got mojo. Almost everything that is good and strong about America is good and strong because of teachers in various forms. It’s the bullshit that comes WITH teaching that I can do without! Unfortunately, I don’t have a very optimistic perspective on the future of our country because education is dying. We, as a country, don’t cherish our children, let alone those who sacrifice so much to pour their lives out for them. I believe that education SHOULD die in its present form and be reconstructed by EDUCATORS—not politicians. In that regard, I fully support NCLB because it is killing education faster than anything I’ve ever witnessed. Simply stated, education is pretty fucked up. The nightmare stories I could tell you…
I’ve said before that being a teacher is like rearranging the deck chairs on the Titanic. Remember in the movie with Leonardo DiCaprio and Kate Winslet? Jack put Rose on that lifeboat. She was being lowered into the water to safety. Her life was spared. She was home free. And what did she do? She jumped back onto that sinking ship because everything she loved was on that boat. I have this really vivid picture of her sitting on that boat with those big, frightened eyes looking up at Jack who remained on that doomed hunk of iron. And you knew she was going to do it. You just knew she was gonna jump back onto that boat. And God knows my propensity to jump…
What the hell am I doing? Everything I love is on that sinking, fucked-up ship.
Sharpen me, my friends. Post a response and tell me what you think I should do. I fixed my blog so that everyone should be able to post, whether they have a google account or not. Just click on anonymous and sign your name in the text. And don’t just tell me to return to teaching because I’m good at it. It doesn’t matter how good I ever was if I’m lying dead on the bottom of the frigid ocean floor, does it? So think about this. I’m sitting on a lifeboat looking up with those big, frightened eyes. What would you do if you were in my lifeboat?

25 comments:

Anonymous said...

This is you POPS speaking. You are good at it but that is not what you want to hear. I am a believer that God closes and opens doors in our lives that we are to walk through. There is no perfect job or position in life. All come with Stress, fear, hatred and a lot of other things but also a lot of rewards, satisfaction and happiness. Many times through my 49 years at my job i hated to go in, diliked many of the people i worked for and with. But after a while it rally gets good. IBefore we came to Cape, i was called out of an audience of a few hundred by a preacher who had a word of prophecy for our lives. Would you believe it was the same scripture you quoted in your confession. It took quite a long time for us to understand or realize what we were told in that prophecy. sometimes you ave to get on the other side of the situation to see how God is working in your life and where he ultimately wants you to be. Mext week on Friday, Saturday and Sunday, that same preacher will be speaking at Bethel. We have not seem or heard of him in the last 35 years but i can't wait to tell him what he spoke into our lives years ago. Do you think God ever forgets where you are? I think not. It seems that God has temporarily closed a door behind you and he has opened one ahead of you, Itis not your option to question Him but go through it and see what he has prepared for you. HE loves YOU and has prepared the best for you. You may have to exercise a little faith but He say "Try me and see that I am God".After you have walked though the door and then after time look back and see why you are where you are. In april 06 i was asked to leave the company but put on part time employment instead. One year later they had to ask me to return as no one was selling anything. They now let me work full time from home and it great workin the few hours i do for full time pay. One door was closed but like you a year later another was opened. So i have learned not to question God but just go through the door and see what is on the other side It will always be better because He would not send you through a door without preparing something for you. I think that you are just too smart and perhaps think too much. I am just a dumb guy so i do not think as deep as you. Just relax and see what God is preparing for you and your future.

I love you because you are so great.

Anonymous said...

Daisy, would you love doing this job, teaching young skulls full of mush the joys of music? If so, who cares if it's in that dreaded teaching bureaucracy? You're going to be enjoying the ride.

If you won't love the job, don't do it. Why torture yourself?

Keeping asking God for the desires of your heart. Trust that He will actually rearrange those desires in you without you even realizing it until you find yourself in the place of contentment.

My 2 cents. Clear as mud? :D
Felicia

Anonymous said...

Daisy, Daisy, Daisy,
M. W. Harrison from Vegas here. You do have a song in your heart, but what good is it if no one hears it? Speaking of teaching, I will soon be done with my 2nd masters. The first one was Educational Technology - you might have guessed. My second one is in............Administration. Not the dark side, maybe a side where I can make a difference for some talented teachers that need some room.... to teach. BTW, the Teamsters are trying to take over the Association here - go Teamsters, maybe we'll actually get a raise, other than our butts up to our shoulder blades.

Sorry - off topic. The mere fact that you you said yes almost instantly, says that your heart wanted it. God is awsome, you have started a new Chapter. It's the journey, enjoy the journey, the kids, the love, you are a goddess in their eyes. What will come after this year? I don't know, music Director for a church? Maybe this is a short chapter, maybe along one. I am trying with my life these days to just enjoy today, for today.

My wife is still, after 1.5+ years, stuck in the Philippines. I have used our entire life savings to try and get her out. I see and talk to her every night via webcam. Am I angry, a little, am I angry at God, No. This is a Chapter for me, I pray that it has a happy ending, but if not, that is the way that it was meant to be.

The Lord leads mercy and my life, and a tough as it is, being apart, we both believe there is a reason why this has happened. I don't want to start over at 50 (yes this summer), but financialy that's what I will have to do. That's whether she comes back or not.

I guess what I am saying is, don't over anyalize, enjoy the kids. Short chapter - long chapter, both are fine. Enjoy your journey. You are so blessed, and have so much to give, so give some, and be content.


BTW - sure wish this had spell-check.... :)

Love you guys. I need to be fishing ...bad.

Anonymous said...

Well, since dad has had his say and a good one at that, I must have mine. Not everyone is handed the same tools in life. You are unique in so many ways to be what looks like on the outside a typical blonde, white gal with implants...oooppps, was that a secret? Nah, this is you I am talking about. The one who is blatantly honest with all things Daisy. Look, the tools you were given are unique to you and only you. How would it be if that one kid that you forever changed couldn't exist because you were not there to cultivate the change. No one loves every single aspect of their job or life. Lord knows, I get tired of answering the phone at work listening to people who havent had a job in 2 years waiting for Social Security Benefits to be rightfully given. Others, they are working the system, and I know it. But for those who call and tell me, Devin, I just tried to kill myself... again, I get to say, well, let me share with you a little hope. I will pray for you, I will call YOUR name out in prayer tonight and in the morning when I pray (between yelling at my kid and trying to get the dogs in their crates). There is no doubt any bonehead could do my job, it is a matter of shuffling papers and filing documents, but not everyone can effect my clients the way I, Devin Farless can. Not all of them would put themselves out there to possibly loss their job only for the chance to say, I am here and I will pray for you. I am in no means patting myself on my back, cuz many of people have lost their job and their lives doing the same thing. Are you a good teacher? I really don't know, I never had you as a teacher. But I do recall the stories you have told me about your kids. When you looked at them and said "Who Love's you"? And their response was..."You Mrs. Martin, You". Do you not know the power that might have had in those kids lives? You must. There is bullcrap and red tape and failings on every level of the education system, welcome to every industry in America! Even down to small law firms. I always think I could run the show better and honey, I know you think you could and the truth is, you probably could. But, that is not our calling.

I read the scripture you wrote of and I can't help but wonder, is it possible that scripture had nothing to do with your career choice? Look at the move God used that scripture for in dad's life. Really was it only about his job? No! It is so much bigger! We may never know what God kept us from by moving us so far away, there would be no Adam, Jessica, Garrett, Sydnei or Bryanna. And now it continues there would be no Brayden or Nathan, Jeni or Riley. God always knows, we get to see only a peice of the big picture until we take a moment to turn around and look back at where we were. I know all of this seems mushy spiritual, but what I know of you is that your spirituality is deep and you do want what God has for you. Like dad said, sit back, don't think to much and enjoy the blessings that have followed you. Take a minute and look back, is your desert really ahead of you or is it behind you? God said he will do a new thing? I think he has been doing a new thing for a while now. You know I love you I have for 21 years now. Everytime I see your or talk to you, I am in awe of something you have said or done. I don't think you really realize your accompishments like you should. When you get here I will remind you of some of them. Hold your head up and walk. Just walk.
Love you!
Devin your LITTLE brother!

Anonymous said...

Oh My Sweet Daisy!! If anyone knows that things happen for a reson it is you!!! This job has come into your life for a reson! You are supposed to be there teaching these children at this time and this place! For some reason, you are being put into a situation that you are dreading, but maybe it will be a totally different experience. Maybe these kids need you in there life to help them or maybe you need them. Heaven only knows why all of these jobs dealing with teaching are suddenly out of the blue popping up, but God will not put you in a bad situation. If it is meant to be, there is no way around it. Daisy, you are amazing with music! You blow the roof off everytime you open your mouth!! It is not hard to see you teaching a music class at all! You are amazing with children, you have the ability to touch the hearts of so many just by being you!! These kids will be so lucky to have a little chunk of you in there lives! I promise, you will change everyone of them for the good, just as you have everyone else that has walked through your path. Who cares what people say, screw the principal that cares only about himself and the parents that are freakin crackheads, screw the parents that think that threatening you is actually going to solve anything or scare you, because we all know if you mess with Miss Daisy, BRING IT FREAKIN ON!!!! If you are happy teaching, don't let anyone get in the way of it!!! Ignore what people say, they are just trying to pull you and bring you down, and when you listen to them they are succeeding! You are stronger then that, Daisy!!! You know what I am going to say, I WANT TO SEE YOU HAPPY! I want you to do what makes you happy! I think that teaching makes you happy, the surroundings don't, but teaching does! I obviously can't make a decision for you, but I honestly think you were brought to this place and this oppertunity AGAIN, for a reason! This is where you are meant to be, even if I want you so bad back in Vegas, you are where you are supposed to be!!

I love you, Daisy! Don't ever foget that! I will always be by your side!!!
Love,
Chelseigh

Anonymous said...

Hey Miss Daisy, Sherry here.
Your words and the words of all of the comments are for all to ponder. I truly believe in my heart that YOU do know what to do it's just surrendering to it that's hard. Whatever you choose will be the right choice, for you and for the will of God. I just want to thank you personally for having made the choice to come to Idaho and be Myles' teacher. You were his teacher for a great purpose at a great time. Teaching academics is one thing, but teaching self-esteem and confidence in our kids is outstanding. It prepares them for all the questions in their future that YOU seemed to be presenting in this post. Funny how that works. You taught Myles that he can handle anything that comes his way, with his head up, with confidence, and that it will all turn out just as it should. Thank you. Because of YOUR decisions in your life, you were part of prepping buggies for all that he needed to do. Remember Myles' poem, listen to your heart!

Anonymous said...

Where do I begin, I guess I should begin with an example... Picture this, my better half (only sometimes:-P) my kid and I are shopping at Wal-Mart, I decide to try on a shirt that is calling my name... and while they are waiting... we have a 3 1/2 year old kid running around the isles like a chicken with her head chopped off... screaming... smiling... having a great time... we have the worlds most patient father “NOT”, in his favorite store “NOT”, doing his favorite thing, waiting on me of course “NOT”. He is chasing a rambunctious at best, child... He most likely would have preferred pluck every one of his eyebrows out rather than being and doing what he was doing at that time... He finally catches up with this little sweet faced child, picks her up, ready to squeeze her little head and shake her but instead he puts her in the cart and says her name and tells her through gritted teeth to zip it. She looks at him, his face is most likely red and opens her mouth and sings and begins to sing "God has a plan for my life..." At that very moment, his anger subsided and he remembered why he had adopted this baby.

Sometimes people don’t want to hear it, but I believe God has given you the heart to teach… Sometimes we don’t even remember why in the world we are doing what we are doing, but God always does… I believe that God opens doors for a reason, just like he did for my husband to adopt his daughter. Raising her has not been the easiest thing, but I believe God had a hand in this… You know I have been thinking much about our pastor telling us that God loves to stretch us because that is the way we grow… I know that God has stretched me in ways that I would have never imagined nor did I want to imagine.

All this to say... I don’t even remember where I was going with this… LOL

I guess all I can say is this, you may not realize it, but YOU, Daisy Martin have an impact on peoples lives, mine being is just one of them. With your patience, which sometimes can be stretched, you tell people just how it is and teach them how it should be… I have learned through you that it is okay to have an opinion and share it. I have learned through you about how I would like to be treated as a human being. I have learned through you that its good to be strong. And if you could teach me, a woman already with her own ways of thinking, how much more can you do for a child? At the end of the day even if parents are A-holes which they can be, I know, its not about them, its about those kids… And I know you love them… and is a powerful thing.

I guess that is my input for the day… Remember that I love you and cant wait to see you.

Your sis-in-law Nettie

Anonymous said...

But doesn’t iron sharpen iron? - only when it concerns God's Word, and if you are walking faithful in His Will.

Anonymous said...

hey its sandy, here is the website i was talking about where i made the extra summer cash.......... the website is here

Anonymous said...

hey its sandy, here is the website i was talking about where i made the extra summer cash.......... the website is here

Anonymous said...

Dearest Daisy,

Hey, it's Leonor... Jeannette's mom. :-) After reading your menagetua - I'd say that you are a wonderful woman, but possibly skirting the issue of life change. Hormones will always baffel us. I'm 60 and still have my days when ... if God weren't in my life, I don't know what I'd. Do.

Here's my thinking, if you don't want to go back to school (check it out with the Father) don't. If you're not happy then your family won't be happy.

Find something that you LOVE TO DO, that brings you satisfaction and happiness. (A NITCH IN SOCIETY - Where you can make your mark and make it all your own. God'll do that for you.) And your family will be happy and you will bring GLORY TO THE CREATOR.

Whatever happened to that book that you were writting? Is it finished? I would buy it!

Don't take a back seat to anything, I know that you can find your nitch and it will be a great one because your Father will make it great for you.

For example, I have a friend who by profession is a handy man. But he loves Karate and is good at teaching, so what did he do? He found a nitch in this crazy environment and is teaching children of different ages to do Karate with Godly principles. None of that Sense stuff for him.. He is presently expanding his business and God is guiding him to do it.

You know, if you like teaching music, perhaps u could do an after school study program OR something. It would be your own, where you are the one that lays out the rules and gives credit towhere credit is due - God.

:-) Well, that's my 2 cents.

Take care and I will pray for God to open the eyes of your understanding concerning his Word so that YOU can see how important you are to Him as His little girl.

Peace. Love. Joy. :-)

PS see you at the wedding.:-)

Anonymous said...

Daisy my dear! I could hear your voice as clear as a bell as I read your thoughts. My question to you is, "Do you enjoy teaching music?" Don't let the whole education system screw up something that you enjoy. Let the education powers that be screw themselves up, but don't let them mess with your corner of the universe. Gloria Vanderbilt had one simple piece of advise for her son when he graduated from college, "Follow your bliss." Only you and God know what your bliss is. It seems as if God already handled the problems, so let Him continue His work while you do what you need to do. Whatever you choose to do, make sure you are happy and being true to yourself.

A friend always,
Charmaine

Anonymous said...

Dearest Daisy Chick,
Once again I am amazed by your cander. Once again, you and I are on the same ride (journey.)I also believe OUR children NEED you. Not being familiar with scripture, I am sure God has had his hand in this journey of yours. It screams DAISY to me. Daisy teaching, Daisy teaching MUSIC) Hello, Mcfly. (back to the future.) Hey I may not quote scripture but I can quote movies or theater.
Anyways, I say the writing is on the chalkboard. Teachers still use those right? Poor attempted at humor. My vote is yes, yes,yes. (pound on the table.) Then you hear me say "I'll have what Daisy's having." (by the way, that is from when Harry met Sally. (DUH.)

Much love and peace to you,
Dancing Daisy Fan

RodDsm said...

Daisy, Daisy, give me your answer do.
I’m half crazy, all for the love of you.
It won’t be a stylish marriage, I can’t afford a carriage
But you look sweet upon a seat of a bicycle built for two.

Okay, corny as it may be, I immediately thought about this song when I read your diatribe. Other than the obvious, the question is, “Why?” Because I’m an absolute dork? Probably? But, I think there was a reason.

Something hit me reading your inner thoughts. First off, I love the fact of how real you are. And how real you’ve become and how inspirational you have become to me so that I can be real too! (Wow…did that all make sense?)

The point of this song is that everything in life is not going to be perfect. Everything in life is not going to be ‘textbook.’ You are in that stage where you have to walk “one day at a time, sweet Jesus.” You know what I mean? I’m there too. Isn’t that what you are telling me daily? (And I do appreciate it!!)

Now, without making this all about me like I always do, let me tell you what’s happening here and how it’s truly pissing me off. I LEFT FULL TIME MINISTRY! So, I wanted to scream it from the rafters. I was so happy. She asked me last week if I had the opportunity to reverse my most recent decision, would I do it. I immediately said, “YES!” Then she said, “Well, would you pastor the church again?” To which I IMMEDIATELY responded, “HELL, NO!” Now, grant it…this was to my very Pentecostal Church mother who was SHOCKED! I said, “Did I stutter, ‘cause I wanted to make sure that you fully understood that I do not miss ministry!” (There’s more to that soapbox if you’d like…)

Anyway, all of that to say this…this past week at work, I had no less than 3 opportunities to “minister” to people at my work. One grandmother, raising her grandbaby, going to college to get a degree got served a summons by her deadbeat daughter. The lady came in for advice, counsel and prayer. (AT WORK!) The next day, another girl asked me questions about prayer. The following day, one of my direct reports got back a bad report from the doctor and came to me for counsel and prayer. So, I THOUGHT I HAD LEFT MINISTRY? ARGH!

Daisy, why did I say all of that? Well, because I’m learning that sometimes our passions follow us and we end up doing those things that we are gifted at and God seems to have a sense of humor and allows us to walk away from things because of our temper tantrums and then somehow gets us right back to where we are.

This is what I know about you…even with all the bureaucracy crap that the Ed Shed gives, you LIGHT up when talking about your kids. Remember the conversation about your Vegas children? Your voice was excited…almost shrill at how these kids lifted you up as you poured into their lives. Why? You have a passion. Not just a gift…but a passion.

Is any of this helpful? Probably not…but those are my 2 cents. By the way, I HATE MINISTRY! Still! HA! But I LOVE ministering to those people at work. To which my lovely wife told me last week, “Rod, now you just pastor a “different” church and you didn’t know it.”

Like a belly-button, I’m outtie!

Rod!

Aaron said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
Anonymous said...

Hey Daisy, Its Trevor.

Hmmm . . . very interesting, he says as you lay on the couch staring up at the ceiling. You hear the pen scrible on the paper as again a "hmmmm" floats your way from behind you. Little do you know what instead of your salvation and liberation being written on the doctor's pad, he is only doodling a little picture of a car with a missile launcher.

Thats you on the couch and thats me listening with no stinking clue. But I do empathize with you. I just have no idea and I'm not going to pretend I do. All I know is that in the end, we all win. With God, we win! God has your back . . . and your front and sides and underneath, and all the other areas of your life that you'd rather he didn't know about.

I miss you. Nashville is a completely different country. Everything is yall, and sweet tea and cornbread, and "yessum honey sweetie pie baby." Its good and I like it a lot. The school here is amazing.

Sorry I'm no good for you, but know that you are ALWAYS good for me. I love your blog.

Trev

Anonymous said...

One thing is as blinding as Montana sun on a bug-splattered windshield--you stir up emotion, passion, and urgency through your writing. Need I say more?
Donna W.

Anonymous said...

I want so badly to have the right answer for you. I want to be the one who writes something that reaches you, helps you, or simplifies this decision for you. I want to be that person, and I want my response to resonate with you, so when you look back on your life, you remember MY input and the impact it had. Wanna know why?
Cause you amaze me. You impact me. You inspire me. You teach me. You make me want to be better. I read your words and I hear your voice and I want to pop my life into gear and get out of this mindless drifting. I want to be a better mother, a better lover, a better friend. I want to be less numb and dumb and distracted. I cried when I read your love letter to your husband, and I got chills when I read the love story about his parents. I laugh every time I see your humor in these posts, and if it weren't so hard to read with my eyes closed, I'd close them by golly just to hear your voice saying the words.
Daisy, you are a treasure in my life. I want so badly to be one in yours... even if I have nothing to say that makes this decision easier for you! Even if I don't call like I should, or visit when I can. ha! Even if I can't pick out sme inspirational bible verse or make some cool biblical analogy.

One thing you should know, if you don't already, is that people want to be known by you. It's not enough that they know who you are, or know your name, or have your email address and exchange funnies once in a while. People want YOU to know THEM. They want to be counted in your list of friends. They want to be on your Christmas card list. They want to be in on the blog updates. They want you to ask them what you should do... they just want to be significant in your life. Ever wonder why that is??? :0) I meant what I wrote earlier... I want so badly to be one of the ones who contributed to this decision. I want to have some small impact on your life, maybe as repayment for the impact you've had on mine? I don't know. But listen, if I feel that way about you at my ripe old, calloused, jaded age of 33, what do the little kids feel about you? What must it be like for them to sit in a room with you?

So, what advice would I give? Nada. I just want you to know that I love ya and can't wait to see how this new adventure unfolds.

HollyGurl

Anonymous said...

Daisy,
Debbie from OH here. Remember me? We met last year in Utah through the Strands. I haven't read all of your other responses, so I don't know if I'm repeating something, but I wanted to share some encouragement. I have also been going through a (long) stage of not knowning what the next 1 or 2 months are going to look like, let alone the next year or 5 years. I'm even renting month-to-month! You know what I have learned? You don't have to know right now. God is teaching me to trust him one day at a time. Is it frustrating and maddening at times? yes. Is He trustworthy? yes. Is he faithful? yes. You seem happy with your current position. I encourage you to read this whole wonderful passage in Matthew 6:25-34, but here is the last verse: "Therefore, do not worry about tomorrow, for tomorrow will worry about itself. Each day has enough trouble of its own." Not that we shouldn't try to plan and be responsible, but if we don't know yet, that's okay. It's saying don't worry, and trust Him. If we knew everything we should do, we would be less likely to depend on God and more likely to depend on ourselves, which would not be putting God first.

Enjoy this year! With the way God provided for you--for a whole school year!--try to rest in his love for you. A lot can happen in a year. Good for you, Daisy, that you are wise enough to embrace personal growth and humble enough to actually listen to "many counselors". (Prov 15:22) I've spent a couple hours this morning looking up the verses that have come to mind when thinking about you. Please take the time to read/look them up and have your heart open for whatever God wants to tell you through them. These are things God has and is having me walk through and work on. I too am a work-in-progress, so please read this as a bit of a journal of my own struggle--I'm not in a position to be "preachy" to anyone.

"Trust in the Lord with all your heart, and lean not on your own understanding. In all your ways, acknowledge him and he shall direct your paths." -Proverbs 3:5-6. While there is nothing we can do to earn our salvation--which is a free gift we can take or refuse--note that this promise above, and many of His promises, are not just a blank check for blessings or direction. They say if you ___, I will ___. Ask God, what does it mean to acknowledge him in all your ways? The same thing applies to my favorite verse, Psalm 37:4 "Delight yourself in the Lord and he will give you the desires of your heart." What delights the Lord? Obedience. Letting Him be the one in control of our lives and recognizing his Lordship. Praise, worship, puting him first, loving others and so on.

To offer some constructive critism and at the risk of never hearing from you again, but with the hope that you can feel my heart for you, please read Psalm 19:14, Ephesians 4:22-24,29; Colossians 3:5-14; 1 Tim 4:12; Luke 11:28; Psalm 55:22; Matt 11:28; 1 Peter 1:15 & 2:11,12; Hebrews 13: 5,6.

Finally, I recommend the little book "The Life God Blesses-The Secret of Enjoying God's Favor" by Jim Cymbala. You could literally read this in one sitting it is so short. Even though I still do not know where I will be even 6 months from now and my emotions are not reliable, TODAY, I have all I need and I have a deep peace in him for where he has me now and my future. May God bless you in your walk with him and in your future.

Anonymous said...

My two cents aren't worth a penny, but I say...

Jump, for crying out loud! Jump at whichever boat is calling you regardless of whether it's sinking. You can always jump off later or go down with it into the blue swirling sea (not a bad way to go, really).

Trae

Anonymous said...

Hi Daisy,
Thank you so much for my opinion.
I think if you decide to return to teaching you need to leave the anger and frustration at the front door. You will not be helping anyone (fellow staff & students) if you cannot see a positive side to what you are doing. The negativity will bring others down who are trying to be a positive force for change. I think you are a wonderful and creative person but the haze of negativity surrounding you clouds those qualities. If you want to teach, teach, and open yourself up to new experiences. Don't let unpleasant past events rule your present and future endeavors. Life is too short to dwell on the negative. I know our students will benefit greatly from you.... I hope this helps. PS. When I am asked for my opinion I offer what I think I don’t sugar coat anything. I hope you are not upset by what I have to say. I care about you and it makes me sad to think a few jerks out there have really gotten to you. Remember, there are A LOT of parents out there, like you and me, who care about their children. Love always, :) Audra

Anonymous said...

Daisy,
I must I agree with everyone. Our children need you in their life. I need you. You are what we all strive to be. To make a difference in this lifetime, not just wasting time collecting a paycheck and bitching all the way to the bank. That just isn’t you Daisy. You wanted to make a difference that is why you choose teaching in the first place not to have your life threatened by a parent. I guess that was the past event Audra was referring to. “ Don't let unpleasant past events rule your present and future endeavors. Life is too short to dwell on the negative.” Who wouldn’t question what they were doing and most of all why? Who wouldn’t be frustrated? I hate to think of the other teachers or GOD forbid children he could of attacked after he was done threatening you. I am glad you didn’t ignore that psycho. As for letting an “unpleasant” event rule your future, one asshole yelling threats is nothing compared to some of the things you have dealt with. A pissed off parent, that’s a piece of cake right Daisy?

I can’t help but point out that Audra must not you. I was amazed to read that she wrote, “ I think you are a wonderful and creative person but the haze of negativity surrounding you clouds those qualities.” There is NO haze around you Daisy only light. I don’t think you are capable of negativity. Simply put, it is not who you are. You are a positive force for change as well as a force to be reckoned with. Why else would you volunteer even more of your time to be on the committee to make your school better? The statement “You will not be helping anyone (fellow staff & students) if you cannot see a positive side to what you are doing.” Also leads me to believe she dose not know how you operate. I also know you don’t want ANYONE to sugar coat anything. I am sure you realize everything I have pointed out; after all you are the one everyone turns to for a reality check.



Much love and peace.

Your friend,
Dance

Anonymous said...

Well, well, Daisy. You know up until now I've sent my comments to you personally. It's interesting to see what others write. But is it really so important to know what they think? You've never really cared about that before! This journey that you have been on this past year has taken you many places; over peaks and into valleys, across plateaus where you just glide along and then all of a sudden find yourself going through the field of boulders. You're not quite sure where to step without losing your balance or whether to go back to the plateaus of comfortableness.

I read Audra's posting regarding your negativity. It is apparent that she doesn't truly know your heart and hasn't seen how you bring things out in people (adults as well as children) that they didn't even realize was within them. The positive things that make them want to stretch and grow and learn, even if it means that they have to examine the core of who they are and say, "what DO I really believe?" And then engage in such wonderful, challenging debate with you that at the end of the conversation, you sit back, take a deep breath and say, "Wow, I haven't had to think that hard in forever!"

You, too, are an iron in my life. Oh, that we could all say that about ourselves in the encounters we have with people everyday. Do I dull or sharpen? I pray that I do the latter.

As far as your decision to teach or not. You cannot deny that God's hand was clearly directing you to this particular teaching job at this time. What tomorrow brings, only He knows. That is why God is omnicient and not us. But as for now, enjoy the moment, embrace (literally) those children who have the privilege of stepping into your circle of influence and challenge them to be all that they can be by following your example. It's really not about the title, the career path, the money. It's about who you are deep down inside. And deep down, I think you are Daisy Martin, child of God, daughter of the King! Thanks for helping me with my crown! CKP

Anonymous said...

Oh Daisy, Daisy, Daisy... Or should I say what truly makes me more comfortable? (No matter how old I am getting it seems) Mrs. Martin, Mrs. Martin, Mrs. Martin.
I absolutely love reading your postings. This has actually been the first time I have read the feedback that you receive. You are certainly well loved.
It seems as though people can go on for days describing you. I of course would agree with all their warm and fuzzy sentiments as they use adjectives like loving, kind, special, strong and spirited! You have proven yourself most definitely to be all those things.
As to whether or not God is nudging you back into the teaching profession I really don’t know. I know that I am excited about the prospect. I too believe that little young minds were robbed of a great mentor when you decided to try something else.
Rather than offering just an opinion on whether or not you should once again be thrust back into the system of which you so despise, allow me too give a perspective of why you are uniquely qualified for the job.
Maybe it’s Oprah’s fault that all these “Positive” vibes suddenly overwhelm our society. Maybe it’s decades of “What about the children” liberal mentality. Perhaps it was when people started being overly concerned with everyone’s “Feelings” that everything began to go down hill. Then again maybe it was because “Don’t worry. Be happy” fit on a bumper sticker much better than “Hey man, there is a lot of shit out there to be worried about, but don’t let it overwhelm you. Try your best to find the silver lining on this dark ass cloud we call life”. Whatever it was, you know me well enough to know that I am not a pessimist. I am not an optimist. I am a realist. And here is what I believe to be the reality of the situation.
Some teachers are good and some teachers are shit. And when I say shit, I am not simply talking about the horror stories that you hear on the news about teachers sleeping with students, and saying harmful things that have permanently affected the child’s sensitive little psyche. I am talking about any teacher who does not significantly challenge their student.
This is what makes you an EXCEPTIONAL teacher. The world is in no short supply of Mikey-Milktoast Cookie-Cutter teachers. Rest assured Mrs. Martin that if you don’t return to education their will be another boo-boo kisser to take your place and tell the little brat that it’s going to be ok. It is your unique ability as a boo-boo giver that makes you special! It’s not that I don’t appreciate my first grade teacher Mrs. Sarver holding me when I was crying after falling down on the playground. But your ability to make me recognize pain and teach how to avoid it had a far greater impact on my life. Like the time you told me to shut the f&$k up. That unique ability that you possess comes from a real life of experience that you bring to the table. Which is something that an always feel good, mini-van driving, PTA going, positive thinking, world through rose glasses viewing person isn’t going to have. That’s fine; let them kiss the boo-boo while you change the lives.
Everywhere you look you see children graduate from high school and sometimes-even college thinking that life is so easy and they have it all figured out. Then when the first challenge comes they get overwhelmed and put a gun in their mouth, get spun out on drugs, or worst of all take the path of least resistance just like all their teachers let them do and they wonder why they are 50 years old and haven’t done a damn thing with their life yet. Well this I know for sure. Some of your students will end up like that. But not one of them can say it was your fault because you never warned them! And out of the ones who listened. That lesson that only you could teach them has forever changed the course of their lives. They know life aint all sugar and spice and they crave the challenge. They drool over the opportunity to prove that through God anything is possible no matter how insurmountable the odds. When they get knocked down and they DO GET KNOCKED DOWN, they stand up with a smirk on their face ready for more. Because we know that the only way to truly appreciate pleasure is by going through a little pain! That’s why young minds were affected when you left. Not because your positive vibes didn’t contribute to the group think.
- Jeremiah
(Former/Current Student)

Anonymous said...

Daisy, I say let the music play! I have never forgotten my 4th grade music teacher. She said, "Dawn, you can be or do anything you want to in this life." I still believe her to this day. You, Daisy, are an awesome woman. You leave everyone better than you found them, including me. Keep on your path and don't let the village idiots distract you!

I love you, miss you and our talks. Take care and go get em'!
Dawn