Sunday, May 27, 2007

My Secret Secrets...

After a recent, and long overdue, meltdown the other day, I laid in my bed this morning and thought about The Secret and our "readiness" to receive the things that we strive for in this life.  My good friend, Jeremiah, sent me The Secret on DVD, and I’ve watched it no fewer than four times now. Certainly, I have seen how unenlightened people have twisted the philosophies of The Secret around to ridiculousness, but I lean way in to its main themes. Why is that? I look around me. I see The Secret in practice every day.  It's especially easy to see the principles of The Secret played out in the restaurant business.  In fact, I've never seen the principles of The Secret displayed so prevalently in any other setting.  The servers who come in with bad attitudes and negativity are seriously wasting their time.  They complain about the tips, the customers, the people, the management, the kitchen staff.  Everything.  They walk out with less than $30 a shift.  Conversely, I and a few others walk out with between $50-$60 on our very slowest, most worthless shifts.  On our best days?  Three digits, consistently.  Whenever I get a bad tip, I just say, "Thank you, God, for your provision.  I am grateful for everything You give me."  Seriously.  My coworkers think I'm nuts when I tell them that.  Endearing, but nuts.  But after figuring out, though, that I consistently make good money, I've got a few of them doing it.  You know, just to try it out.  Gratitude is key, remember.  I think another key is Readiness.

Readiness is a popular concept in education.  I remember the industry of education distinctly. It was my former life. People want their preschoolers to be "reading ready" so they read to their children every night without fail.  People want their children to be "math ready" so they ask them questions like, "If I buy these five apples, and you eat two of them, how many apples do I have left?"  We do this from the time our children are very small to instill in them a love for learning.  We want them to be READY to receive and READY to take hold of the important things in life, so we coach them.  We are EXACTLY like that, spiritually.  And that's why God coaches us, asking us questions like, "If you see someone who is tired and hungry, what do you do?" or “Can you think of someone today who needs you to bring a lasagna over?” or “If a tourist is lost, walking down the streets of New York City, do you offer directions?” (For you, Scott.) I think somehow this concept of “readiness” ties into the Secret for me.  I know that I know that I know that the Truth is the Truth, regardless of whether or not someone believes it and regardless of circumstances and regardless of a person’s readiness to receive the rewards for his strivings.  The Secret agrees with that.  But, right now, I'm actually pretty sick of always having to be in the "right frame of mind".  And if I'm not in the right frame of mind, whose fault is it? Mine.  I own it.  Well, BLECH!  Sometimes I just don't FEEL like being in the right frame of mind!  I feel like THROWING SOMETHING!  I'm tired of always being in check!  It's exhausting.  UGH!  But I suspect that a person who masters his thinking also masters his life. So, I plug on. To be READY!  I think I’m ready to receive simply because I’m sick of not having.  That makes me ready in my opinion.  I think God has a different set of criteria as to what makes a person ready to receive something from Him.  And as I was peeing this morning, it hit me.  (Lots of things hit me when I'm peeing.  I think it has something to do with standing up and walking and getting the blood flowing.)  Anyway, here's what hit me, midstream:  Realms of believability.  It is well within the realm of my personal believability to put between $50 and $150 in my pocket every shift at Red Robin.  It doesn't matter if Grandma lays down a one or a five.  It doesn't matter if I wait on assholes, saints, or anybody inbetween.  It's done.  In fact, it's already done before I ever walk in.  That's the truth.  The Secret says that is true. The Secret also says that I can imagine winning the lottery, simulate those feelings of euphoria at having done so, be grateful for my reward, and the Universe will step in and make it so.  Trouble is, that's not REALLY within the realm of believability for me.  So, really, if I "believe" and "confess" and am "grateful" for winning the lottery, I'm wasting my time.  I can't convince the Universe of something I don't really believe myself.  I think there are things that SHOULD be outside the realm of a person's believability.  Swimming with sharks and thinking they won't eat you.  Not ever dying.  Running around naked without getting arrested.  And, yes, maybe even winning the lottery. The Law of Attraction is a law, yes.  But there are other laws as well.  Gravity.  The Gylcemic Index.  Inevitable death and taxes.  Some people try to use the Secret in contradiction with the other laws of the Universe, and it will never happen.  These are the same people who want to live in Hawaii at the bottom of an active volcano and then wonder why they have lava in the living room--ode to George Carlin right there. 

So, whatever.  What does this have to do with me and where I am in life right now? I look at the realm of believability as circles that surround a person's life.  As a person’s faith increases, so do those circles that surround him.  I think my problem is, among other things, I'm not sure how big my circle is.  Now, maybe that's a good thing?  I don't know.  I wouldn't want to limit myself.  But our circles or realms of believability DO limit us.  Isn't that why we're  constantly trying to expand our circles?  Isn't that why God works with us to expand our areas of influence?  Not just so that we will be a blessing to an increasing number of people, but also that our own faith will increase?  When He tells us He wants to give us life and that more abundant, doesn't He want to increase our realm or circle of believability? 

As many people know, I have made a deliberate choice to venture out into unknown territory, abandoning what everyone else sees as “security”. OK, so I jumped out of my life. Although, I don’t believe that, in and of itself, it was a bad decision on my part (and close friends have commended me for living life courageously) I haven’t always made good decisions within that decision. Another law of the Universe says I will sleep in the bed I make. My realm of believability in myself has diminished as a result of some of my decisions, and I've not yet recovered.  I think this is where I need to start asking God to restore me.  I used to believe that I could do anything.  I don't believe that anymore, or at least not at the moment. These are my confessions.  I know I'm not in a place of readiness to receive.  I can walk around "confessing" the Secret all damn day.  My realm of believability has been compromised.  And I'm talking about the core circle.  I'm talking about the center of who I am.  I thought the Secret could fix that.  Another confession.  Only God can fix me.  So I give myself to Him again in complete surrender.  Absolute surrender.  I'm going to have to do this continually until I get my head back on straight.  I just have to lay my whole life in front of Him again, because truly, I've backed myself into a corner:  mentally, financially, emotionally.  I'm not going to try to talk my way out of this one.  There aren't enough positive thinking skills, workshops, Super Saturday trainings, and secrets to pull myself out of this place.  I'm to the point that I really don't care what happens next.  Ironically, that's typically been a pretty good place for me to be because it REALLY lends itself to complete abandon.  If I'm ready for anything, it's that I'm finally ready to abandon my striving. 
But here's what I know for sure:  God has orchestrated every day of my life, a life that I have also co-created.  I would bank on that before I'd bank on the sun coming up tomorrow.  I have no such claims that there won’t be another meltdown in my life, and possibly soon.  I don't know what I'm ready to receive or when I’ll be ready to receive it.  I just know God needs to patch up this circle. 

I’m ready to hear the opinions from every camp: those who believe that the power is all within myself--that I don’t need to seek anything outside of little ‘ol me (or should I say, “great, big me” for those individuals?) and those who believe that we can do absolutely nothing in and of ourselves.

I don’t believe either one. And... I believe both.

A final thought: I look back from the hell I’ve come, and I see where I’m at right now. I’ve already been given so much. So much I could blog forever. Surely, I am blessed and highly favored. I am truly my Beloved’s. And He is mine. Knowing that, I feel that I am absolutely, positively without excuse to do something remarkable, beyond anything I could ever think or imagine, with my life. I’m intrigued by the words from The Man Himself: “You will do even greater things than I have done.” Those are some of the most provocative words I’ve ever read, yet no one really wants to talk about it. I want to talk about it. I want to prove Him right, but everybody else seems to think that’s blasphemous somehow, even though HE’S the One Who threw it out there to begin with! So, here I sit on a Sunday morning, e-pouring out my confessions of insecurity to the whole planet, wanting more than anything for my destiny and my purpose to finally converge in spite of it all. I don’t JUST want to hear my Father say, “Well done, thou good and faithful servant.” I want Him to come tearing after me as soon as He sees me coming, grab me by the shoulders, look right in my face and say, “Wow. You blew Me away.”


Doug said... your thoughts.

I too want God to come chasing after me!

While I haven't read or watched the Secret -- so it is more authentic to me, since The Secret is no secret to you but it remains so to me -- I think that it resonates with the Golden Rule some. At least, it sounds like it to me.

Here's my rub though; even if we are READY, and even if we expand our circles of believability way beyond our core, does it truly guarantee anything? I come from a performance-based and works-based religion model and it is full of holes...and those holes are clogged with shit. You can't get God or the "Universe" to do anything for you. I am closer to believing a modified Kharma concept; giving and receiving from what and who you are.
But I also know that Jesus was no buffoon. He plays a role in this somehow. He is to "abide" in me, and since I've fricked up my identity so bad by swallowing what our western culture is serving I don't know where to find him or where my influence comes from.

I've been studying about sex again (yeah, I know, ME studying sex!). But even that is rocking my faith and causing serious questions. And when i look at my life and career i wonder if it's worth all the strain and effort. My circles of believability are shrinking. Perhaps it is from the frigid waters of ecclesiology.

Bottom Line: Do we have to follow patterns or rules or formulas to get God to rubber stamp our efforts and ensure a bigger tip or happier lives or greater eternal impact? What is it that makes HIM run to us and say "WOW!" Or is that a hole in our core?

Your comments are rich and inviting; I will noodle them all week. I'm praying I too can get some insight (mine occurs in the shower).

Thank you for sharing your soul. It's good to not be alone with a Secret.


PS: how do you stand when you pee? Still not catching that image...

Dancing Daisy Fan said...

My Dear Daisy,
Let me just say I too believe in the secret. I also would like to say, “WOW you blew me away.” You have enlightened many, many people. You are a teacher through and through. “You will do even greater things than I have done.” As the “man” has said. In my realm of believability you are my rock. As for the corner you have backed yourself in to, I am here lean on me. We will get through this……

TraeTD said...

What a treat to read your blog, Daisy! Wish I had something wise (or at least provocative) to add, but I'm running on empty at the moment -- could be a problem with my realms of believability. I am, however, thrilled to read your thoughts and maybe someday soon I'll actually be able to chime in too...

Barry said...

Christian...(AKA Daisy) or is it the other way around? I enjoyed your Secret Secrets article, you are indeed a very good writer. I have watched the "Secret" DVD out of curiosity and found it to be intriguing, but lacking the “God” element. I don’t necessarily believe we emit this power or energy just by thoughts, but there is a degree of truth in how positive-thinking can shape your own mood. I have noticed that when I am very positive and confident, others around me may or may not be attracted to me…it really depends on “their” frame of mind too. I do think there is an element of “new age thinking” in the concept of “The Secret” which relies solely on human efforts and leaves out how a relationship with God & prayer can impact our lives too. There is something to be said of being very confident. I have noticed that I am more persuasive in a sales situation when I show confidence and a positive demeanor.

Have you gone through something traumatic recently? It sounds like you hit a wall or something, and my heart & prayers go out to you of course.

Keri said...

I wish I had your mental energy to ponder on these life altering concepts. My beliefs are simple. I can do all things through him who strengthens me... He will never give me more than I can handle... and finally, everything happens for a reason. I firmly believe that our attitude in how we deal with those things has a direct impact on the outcome. Your blog was very mentally stimulating. I admire the courage you have to pour your soul out onto the page for everyone to share. I have not watched "The Secret" yet but I will put it on my movie list. I know that things will get better for you because I will be praying for you as I'm sure others who know what you're going through will be praying for you. Don't ever underestimate the power of Prayer! I can't wait to read your next blog. You are a wonderful writer.

Jeannine said...

Daisy! You need to write a book ASAP! Get on it, woman! I haven't been to a book signing in years. hahah.
I haven't watched "The Secret" but I have to rent it. I was actually thinking about this the other day. Which probably has nothing to do with this movie. I was watching how my dog reacts to me and my emotions. And I started wondering how he knows exactly what's going on in my head without me acting any diffently than normal. For example, if I come through the door and sit on the couch and I'm happy without showing that emotion. He'll run up to me and want to play. If I come home and I'm about to cry, he'll crawl up to me slowly and give me "he's sorry" kisses. If I come and I'm really angry. (but don't show it) He runs under the bed and stays there. But, he knows all of this without me talking or doing anything. I just open the door and sit on the couch. So, then I started thinking. Is it possible that people sense these emotions like animals? Can they sense this even if I'm laughing on the outside and going crazy on the inside? Does a guy know right away if I'm feeling vulnerable? Is this why I attracted some big losers back in the day? Does a person know I'm stressing? Is this how I sometimes attract negativity or negative people? Or is it just Vegas? So, my goals are to figure out this secret. Kidding. But, somehow move on from the past. And somehow get this out of my system. Or perhaps let the inside match how I'm acting on the outside. Does any of this make sense? hahah. I guess through time we all figure out why certain things happen and I'm assuming it will all fit together like a puzzle. At the end of the day. At least we all have each other. :) Love ya!

Holly said...

I just love the way you think... even if only a smidge of that ends up appearing on the page. :0) "I could blog forever" - isn't that the truth?!?! This blog reminds me of our chats (a lifetime ago). It's great to know someone as real and as touchable as you. Ya can't say that about I am very thankful to know you and call you my friend. Whatever your name is. Whatever your mood is. Whatever the rant is.
Here's my thought. You know that whole idea "to whom much is given, much is required"? I've probably butchered it and shouldn't use quotations but whatever. You get the drift. Anyway, you and I are given much. And you and I are expected to handle much, and deliver much. We were not made to live the average life and plod through with a pleasant smile on our faces(u know u can picture people like this, right?). You and I are squealers, and neck huggers, and butt smackers, and insane lovers, and awesome mothers, and loyal friends, and amazing leaders... u with me? Live an average, contented, pleasant life. Never have a meltdown. Hear "well done" at the end of the gig. Live like Daisy and Holly? Slam through life's lessons, trample over tough situations, scream with laughter when ya finally get it, and love so hard it hurts. Expect meltdowns. It takes a lot of energy and effort to be us Much is given. Much is required. And guess what? At the end of the gig, we're gonna see someone give us exactly what we gave the world. He's gonna run. You're gonna see his legs dig in and tear up some ground. You're gonna feel his momentum move the air before you even see him take a step. He's gonna say "WOW!" right before he crushes you with his total consuming embrace! I just know it. I'm counting on hearing that myself.
Love ya, Sister Christian. :0) hc

sofia d. said...

Few words make me chomp down and chew and ponder like yours Daisy (and yours Doug. Good to hear your voice bruh-thuh). After pondering such marketing brilliance as The Secret, I'm left with three questions:
Who or what did Jesus attract?
Then what?